Today feels like Spring, specifically the good parts of Spring. My California poppies are slowly sprouting, the birds are singing, there was a gorgeous rain this morning that made lovely sounds on the new leaves on the trees out back, and now it’s brighter out, if not exactly sunny, with a breeze blowing through. It’s almost enough to make you think can get away with egregious run-on sentences on your blog.
Today is also a day without much structure for me, at least before a date this evening. I worked pretty quick this morning, doing my 500-word morning pages (a practice taken from The Artist’s Way, I believe) and applying to a couple of jobs that I actually want. Then I wasn’t sure what to do with myself, beyond dinking around on the Internet. I ended up playing This War of Mine for an hour or two. It’s a powerful game about surviving as civilians in a war zone. I’ve managed to keep everything from going to shit so far, but I’m at about day 12 of my current run and finding enough food for my little shelter of three is getting tricky. Soon I might need to start building weapons and preparing to get more aggressive, but I’m hoping it won’t come to that.
After I finished playing, though, I was back and adrift. I described my feeling on twitter earlier today as “directionless but not hopeless,” which still feels accurate. There’s a bunch of possibilities out there for what I could do, but none of them are going to accomplish anything big. So I feel a little like I’m sitting in a boat without a paddle on a still lake. There are worse places to be, for sure, but I’m not getting anywhere either.
There are a few things I should still do. Work out, do a little cleaning, and do some reading I haven’t been properly keeping up on. So while I might not really strongly feel the pull to do any one of them, maybe I can get myself going at least a little bit, using my hands to paddle and get myself moving towards the shore. Even if it’s slow, it’s better than just waiting for something to happen, right?